“I don’t trust anyone who hasn’t been self-destructive in some way.
And who hasn’t gone through some sort of self-loathing? You’ve got to bang yourself around a bit to know yourself.”—Johnny Depp (via skintones)
“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”—Anne Frank’s Diary (via draughts)
I see beauty in facets of life where I’ve not noticed before. In the past, I used to not know how to appreciate natural landscapes and greenery. Having been to Sweden and Switzerland, compounded with having lived through the changing of seasons, I realise the essentiality of nature. Being close to God’s creations simply makes me marvel at the works of His hand. I understand now why people can maintain their sanity better if they stay close to mother nature. To give a vague description: you just feel more in tune with yourself and your surroundings.
What else. I feel such love for people that I meet. I’m ashamed to admit that until recently, I used to be very self-absorbed, only being concerned about my own needs and wants. However, my Heavenly Father has opened up my eyes and heart to care for others too. Seeing beyond appearances, beneath surfaces and into the good in every person. Particularly girls and children.
Girls/women. I cannot help but want to analyse every F and classify them according to their traits. e.g. sporty, competitive & smart. timid, sensitive and vulnerable. powerful yet deceitful. This is not coming out right. There are lots of combinations but only a few broad categories that exist in my mental imagery; even had the idea of setting up a tumblr to sort out & describe them like tinaratedtinaapproved. Anyway, I try to analyse which type of girl they are, if you will excuse the inadequate choice of word. I find that every single one is just so lovely and lovable in their own way. Each one has such petals of charm, kindness and strength, ready to blossom if someone cared to shower some love upon them. Not that I think women are dependent on others, au contraire, it is like what Kate said, “Behind a strong man is a stronger woman.” I wholeheartedly agree, though this may be spurred on by my feminist instincts.
Lastly, the children. I like children now. They evoke tenderness in me with their innocence and ignorance of life. Still untainted by this world. Not yet hardened by the swift, harsh realities that inexorably cultivates a ‘once bitten, twice shy’ cynicism as time goes by. Most of all, they are filled with such enormous potential to become a good person. To grow up into a well-adjusted adult without having to commit the mistakes or get set back by regrets. In other words, to transpose all of my hopes and dreams onto someone else who still has the freedom, time and capacity to live them out. I suppose this is what a lot of parents do. Anyhow, it is comforting to know that they need love to grow and that I can provide that. This is the attitude I have towards my GB girls and my three tuition kids. And what a world’s difference this has made in terms of my motivation to teach and their motivation to learn and absorb. Knowing that some of them look up to me makes me want to try harder and be that role model for them.
I thank Jesus for all of these changes and I know that I am still a work in progress, still not very wise sometimes, most of the time. So continue to mould me.